I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
