I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
