Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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