Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
