i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
