you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
