He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
