Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
