Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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