But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
