I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
