Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
