Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
