I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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