mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
