Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
