my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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