Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
