The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
