"it" just moved
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
