My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
