just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
