You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
