I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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