Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
