i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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