While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
