the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
