Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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