What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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