I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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