i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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