Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
