sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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