My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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