ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
