I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize