I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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