Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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