Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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