so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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