You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize