i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
