the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
