so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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