His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
