:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize