The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
