broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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