he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
