I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
