My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
