If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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