Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
