Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
