I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The struggles of a small town man whore
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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