So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
