Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize