Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
