let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
