My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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