some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
