she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
