I would go down on you faster than GM stock
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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