if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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