Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
