I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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