gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
