he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize