dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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