Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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