Ambien. No doubt about it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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