The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
