You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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