Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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