Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
