Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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