If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
