he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
