I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
