you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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