I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize