I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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