I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
