When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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