sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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