wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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