Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
