Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
be right there i have to get my cape
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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