I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
