We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
