Can Purell be used as lube?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
