Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
