just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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