have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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