I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize