Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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