you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
