She's JV to your varsity
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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