Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
