I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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