I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
