Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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