i think my tv is drunk
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
