is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
