I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
