I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
