I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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