i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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