I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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