I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
