Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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